to not care about other people’s feelings. even if you have so much responsibility (which is your doing just in case you forgot) you still have time to do that.
to claim that you were just influenced by your so called “friends” is not an acceptable excuse.
to hurt those who are depending on you just because you want to satisfy your macho insecurity.
to do that in the presence of what you have spawned. disgusting.
you are fucking disgusting and i never want to end up with a man like you. if ever i did i would not be a martyr and stay longer. im better than that. and i deserve so much more than stay with an asshole like you.
every person handles stress differently. i am one of those that handles stress unhealthily.
its hard for me to pull myself out of the deep dark wretched hole that i dug up myself. its difficult especially if other people are inconsiderate twats and keep on provoking me even if they already know that im in that situation. im usually a very talkative person. but if im in that state, i become scarily quiet. and everything and everyone annoys me to oblivion. and everyone does not escape my wrath.
i know theyre talking behind me. wondering why im acting that way. as much as i want to explain myself, i cant because even i do not know the answer. so i stop and let them continue wondering.
today was one of those days. and this was probably one of the most enlightening dark days ive had. i realized that even your closeat allies will throw you under the bus. will want to humiliate you. will not side with you even if they say they would. i dont kbow why i still trust people. they always end up doing awful things to me. im the type of person that trusts easily. and i trust completely. sure i may be a chatterbox. but i know when to keep mu big mouth shut.
for the sake of my sanity, i would just like to let out some issues i had tosay that contributed to my erratic dark mood.
1. im not envious. or maybe i am idk. but to be honest i dont think you deserve it. politics played a big part. maybe it was a thank you gift for all your hardwork. but to be honest, ever since i came i was doing most of the dirty work while you vask in all the glory. its so obvious when you try to look good. i hate it when you are such a show off. yes everyone likes you. even me. but as of this moment, i guess im slowly realizing that i should not trust you completely.
2. that freaking email. why tell me to inform him when you already did??? you made me look like a fucking fool.
3. i know when youre trying to humiliate me in front of him or everyone else. i know your tone and your look when you want to feel superior and make me look like a dumb ass. that meeting when i was in trouble, you made it even more awkward. everytime you ask me if ive done my presentation i know you have a hidden meaning. im not sure yt. but i believe you keep on passing to me the things that you want to do yourself. after all those times that i covered for you, this is how you treat me?
4. keep on laughing at me for what ive said that both of you did not clearly understand. keep on talking regarding my mouth. i swear i will do the same when it happens to both of you.
p.s. to the person who i trusted the most….. all i have to say is that, its over.